The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the Cranium

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex carries tremendous meaning and effects.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be good too).

B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we check are brought in to incredibly tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , leading to effective feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, wellness, love, and nearness .

However when issues develop, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely would not confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, says that a lot of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males particularly in urban locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".

Nevertheless, North includes, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is important. Chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow gradually.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with common sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, objectives, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!

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