The Intimacy Trap, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries tremendous significance and effects.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be good too).

B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to extremely tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing effective feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, nearness, well-being, and love .

When issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They most likely would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach my link who works mostly with gay men, says that numerous of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men especially in urbane areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".

North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow over time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying important source complete attention to your vision, requirements, goals, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!

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