The Sensuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex brings immense meaning and consequences.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good also).

B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to have sex with someone we are attracted to incredibly difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in effective feelings of destination, enjoyment, nearness, wellness, and love .

However when issues emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They probably would not confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that a number of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay males specifically in urbane areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sex. Many gay males wish to learn from the starting if a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".

North adds, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry the original source happen, though often it can grow in time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, objectives, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!

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